Drive the conversation: 5 ways to talk with teens about driving safety

When Fatima Elkott started driving as a teenager, her anxiety about being late caused her to develop a speeding habit—that is, until a trusted adult shared an important insight. “My grandmother would say, ‘Dos minutos no vale la vida.’” Elkott says. “In other words, the two minutes you save by speeding aren’t worth your life.”

Now a strategist for the National Organizations for Youth Safety, Elkott says teen driving insight apps can be an important source of accountability and security on the road. But it’s important to remember that the app isn’t a substitute for conversations about driving safely. Instead, the app should be a way to help make those conversations easier. 

If you’re using, or thinking about using, a teen driving insights app like Verizon Family*, here are five ways to talk about it with your teen, starting with why you’re using it in the first place.

Tell them that you think of the app as a conversation tool. According to Joanna von Staden, a licensed clinical mental health counselor based in North Carolina, building strong two-way communication with your teen driver starts with a discussion about why you’re installing a driving monitoring app in the first place. “Let them know you think of it as a tool to help guide them as they continue to strengthen their driving skills,” she says. “And as an adult and as their parent, it’s your job to keep them safe.”

• Talking tip: Be prepared for pushback. Even after you’ve shared your reasons for installing a driving app, it’s not uncommon for teens to have a negative response. “If they have reservations or questions, validate their concerns and communicate the boundary,” says von Staden. “You can understand their frustration and concerns while also letting them know that the app is required.”

Plan for regular verbal check-ins. Elkott suggests asking an open-ended question that offers your teen a chance to share issues they encountered on the road. “By asking those questions, you’re letting your child be open and hopefully tell you about incidents without you needing to say, ‘I noticed some hard braking at 2:45 PM, and here’s my proof.’”

• Talking tip: Lead with questions. “It’s good to come from a place of curiosity by asking questions like, ‘How was driving today?’,” Elkott suggests. “Or even starting with a story about something you saw during your own driving day.”

Address concerns with compassion. When you review the driving insights on apps, talk about how it made you feel, says von Staden. It can be a good way to prompt reflection rather than causing your teen to feel interrogated. “Try something like, ‘I saw that you were going 15 miles over the speed limit this morning, and that scares me,’” she says. “Then, hold space to allow your child time to reflect and respond.”

• Talking tip: Lean on your own experience. Sharing your own experiences from the road can be a way to keep things conversational while also passing on important knowledge and skills. “Hearing a plethora of stories about how a more experienced driver handled a challenge can help with learning defensive driving skills,” says Elkott.

Collaborate on solutions. An isolated incident of hard braking likely isn’t cause for concern (and may even be the result of defensive driving), but patterns or trends across multiple driving days could mean it’s time to do some creative problem-solving. For example, rapid acceleration and hard turns on the way to school could mean that your teen needs to get out the door a few minutes earlier in the morning.

• Talking tip: Let them test and develop their own solutions. Once her habit of speeding had been pointed out to her, Elkott says she tried a few different ways of addressing the problem—including by changing the music. “I have noticed a difference in my driving when I’m listening to rock or something that gets me pumped up,” she says. “But if I play some chill lo-fi or something where the cadence is slower, my driving is also slower.”

Resist the urge to overcorrect. When it comes to discussing driving safety with your teen, von Staden says it can be useful to think of your role as that of a supportive coach. “Our natural desire as parents is to fix our children’s problems, which can lead to overcorrection,” she says. “But as our children get older, our role shifts to a place of guidance. Driving apps should be used to help us guide our children into being responsible drivers instead of catching and correcting every little mistake.”

• Talking tip: It’s talking with, not talking to. It’s important to leave space for your teen to talk about what they’re encountering behind the wheel, says Elkott. “If we want teen drivers to be safer—or if we want teens to do anything—then it needs to be a two-way conversation.”

Keep talking offline and stay more aware online with Verizon Family.

* Verizon Family does not detect all trip events or crashes, and will not contact 911 in the event of a detected crash